Wednesday, 5 December 2018
Sunday, 24 June 2018
☺ DORKY ☺
Friday September 2nd
Today was CRAZY!
Today Brittany kept on bragging about how her Dad won 50 million in the lottery.
“MY Dad won 50 million dollars in the lottery! I can buy ANYthing I want.” She bragged.
She’s probably put on 1000 layers of lipstick , by now. I saw her over, like, 100 times smacking that thing on!
“Is she eavesdropping someone!?” Whispered my BFF, Cleo.
“Yeah… probably US.” I rolled my eyes, then we (Me, Cleo, and my other BFF, Isla) walked over to Brittany.
“Brittany, what are you doing?” She just kept smacking her lips together, like she was a Hollywood STAR!
“Oh, me? Just putting on lipstick, you BLIND bat!” She flicked her hair, and left without saying another word.
I KNEW I had to do something. So me and my friends followed Brittany to her locker.
She placed her lipstick in her locker, and we went in!
“Mask… scissors… and… *cough cough* POOP COLORED LIPSTICK! And last but not least… WATER.!” Cleo handed me all the stuff as I got to work.
“Why do you need WATER!?” Asked Isla.
“To make the lipstick… RUNNY!”
I put the mask on incase of any ‘Pretty Props’ in there. Then I chopped the lipstick off with the scissors, and replaced it with the Poop Colored Lipstick, and then dripped water on top,
“Perfect! But not so PERFECT for her!” I said. Then we ran over to our lockers for lunch.
“Mmmm… this burger is SO good! I want another!” Moaned Cleo.
“Well. You got another 8 bucks?” I laughed.
“OMG! There’s Brittany! She’s holding her - sorry… OUR ‘lipstick’.” Said Isla.
“Omg! There’s Hunter! I NEED my lipstick!” Said Brittany. She grabbed her lipstick out of her pocket, and put it on.
- Shame she doesn't have a mirror with her…
“Hey, Hunter!” She was acting EXTRA cute with that pathetic smile plastered on her face.
“Do you, like…. Wanna go out together? Me, you… you know!” She shuffled closer and closer to him. Until she was literally 3 inches away!
Until he backed up.
“Umm…. did you eat TOO much chocolate today? ‘Cause you look like you’re using it as lipstick!” Laughed Hunter. He high fived his friends and left.
“BUT! My lipstick is PINK! SEE-” She looked at her lipstick and saw the Poop Brown Lipstick covered in water.
“Ughhhh…. ZOEY!” That’s my name! But I’m just gonna go… BYE!
Saturday September 3rd
YESTERDAY WAS THE WORST DAY EVER!
My STUPID little brother told my overprotective Dad… THAT I BROKE THE WINDOW!
NOW I’m GROUNDED!
Now Dad made up this STUPID RULE called…. ‘The Seven B’s’. Each time I hang out with Noah (MY FREAKISHLY HOT CRUSH), he says…
“Books before boys because boys bring babies!” and just walks off! It’s SO annoying!
Anyways… back to the point.
Me and my friends were hanging out, outside on the tree, and my little 3 year old brother ‘accidently’ smashed the window with a hammer. THEN… he goes running inside and I could hear him saying…
“ZOEY AND FRIENDS SMASHED WINDOW, WITH HAMMER!” He. is. SO. DEAD!
“I knew that girl was a mistake….” Said my Dad. I CAN’T BELIEVE HE CALLED ME A ‘MISTAKE’!
Then I saw Brittany STALKING ME!
“BRITTANY! WHAT ARE YOU DOING!!?” I shouted. She didn’t reply, she just ran like an explorer running away from a tiger. That girl is SO creepy! I am NOT lying!
My Dad came running out of the house and looked at the broke window. He was holding a BELT in his hand! He was smacking it on his hand and saying…
“Girl, you better pay for this!” I went up as high as I could up the tree.
“Oh, no you DON’T!”
He got a FREAKING ladder and climbed up, AND THERE I WAS! Crouching on the thinest branch you could EVER see on a tree!
He FREAKING WHACKED ME WITH THAT THING!
“OWW! Dad, WE DIDN’T BREAK IT! SHE DID!” I pointed to Brittany who JUST happened to have a hammer holder on her bag.
“Ohh… I’m SO sorry… but…. I KNOW IT WAS YOU!” he kept smacking me with his god dang hammer! Like, OW!
“DAD! TAKE A CHILL PILL!” I screamed in pain.
All this whacking was making this branch snap a bit!
“DAD! STOP! YOU’RE MAKING THE BRANCH SNAP!” It was SO close to just snapping, and I’d fall ALL the way down… like…. IT’S 7 METERS DOWN!
“Yeah, SURE!” He joked. He kept whacking me.
“DAD! STOP-” But it was too late… I was already falling… BUT…. MY IDIOT BROTHER CAME TO…. “HELP!” Yup. I screamed it, and he ran over with one of those trampoline thingies… AND SAVED MY BUTT!
Dad came down, acting like he was TRYING to SAVE me! Probably because Mum was there. Parents these days.
“OH MY GOSH HONEY! I TRIED TO HELP HER BUT-”
“YOU WERE SLAPPING HER WITH A BELT, YOU HOG!” Mum shouted. Hopefully she’ll break up with him.
And yes, I told her to say that.
“What! No I didn’t!” He ‘tried’ to explain, but she SAW.
“I’M going to MY room!” I tried to get up but failed. So Mum had to take me to the hospital to get it checked.
“Yes, it’s broken. It’ll take 2 months ‘till it is fixed up. Maybe writing ISN’T the best thing…”
And I literally SCREAMED….
“NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!! MUM! DON’T TAKE IT OFF ME! PLEA
Monday December 19th
Right now, I’m on holiday. You might be thinking…
Me doing my happy dance.
But no. This is actually the WORST holiday EVER! Why!? BECAUSE… my crush (Noah), IS ‘HANGING’ OUT WITH BRITTANY!
THIS is me right now…
Me sobbing in the corner.
I can’t SLEEP! I’m like… a vampire!
I’m just texting my friends HOPING they’ll wake up and HELP ME! But no. Heavy sleepers… should’ve known.
So tomorrow, I’m going to walk to Brittany’s house and be a complete SAVAGE and go on her phone, and RUIN her little relationship with Noah! Let’s just hope she has a FINGERPRINT. Or…. I’M SCREWED!
Tuesday December 20th
Today I’m up EXTRA early.
I’m going to go STRAIGHT to her house before she wakes up. I have to go, WITH my diary, or my noisy little brother might snoop through and see my PLANS!
Plan A: Go to Brittany's house and use her fingerprint (IF she has one) to get in her phone and text Noah mean texts.
Plan B: Go to Brittany’s house and hide under her bed with her phone and try to guess her password if she doesn’t have a fingerprint
Plan C: THERE IS NO ‘PLAN C’, SO STOP READING MY PLANS!
So, she HAS a fingerprint. BUT. She isn’t SUCH a heavy sleeper…. So I have to be CODE James Bond!
I slowly walk over to her phone, and lightly pressed the scanner on her finger…
BUT IT KEPT FAILING SO I GOT LOCKED OUT! SO… I had to wait 10 minutes under her bed and keep waiting and trying… UNTIL!
“FINALLY!” I shouted a BIT TOO loud.
“Honey? Are you in there? Aunty Melody bought you more designer clothes!” THAT was her Mum! I Went under her bed and hid.
I had JUST got into this girls phone after… like… 100 TRIES!
And then I saw the most SPARKLY, most PINK, woman in the WORLD!
She was wearing PINK SPARKLY high heels, that nearly blinded me! Also the TIGHTEST skinny pink dress, I could SEE her veins popping! AND if THAT wasn’t bad enough, SHE WAS LAYERING LIPSTICK ON LIKE FREAKING CRAZY! And I think she heard my pen so I’m gonna stop now…
So… I JUST escaped the Pink Princess, AND JUST REALIZED… HER PHONE TURNED OFF IN ALL THAT TIME!
THAT means, I have to go BACK and get her dumb finger, ON THIS SCANNER! UGH!
I made it back inside the house, but this was getting STICKY…
Her STUPID pink Mum, WOKE her up, and NOW they’re SEARCHING THE WHOLE HOUSE FOR HER SAMSUNG S9 PHONE!
That I’M holding!
It’s impossible to get her fingerprint NOW!
But nobody said it was impossible to get her PASSWORD!
I quietly walked over to her bedroom and locked the door. I searched the WHOLE room. It’s like a freaking maze in here… she has a HALLWAY! AND a walk in wardrobe, an onsweet, and a beauty room. AND A FREAKING T.V ROOM!? The hallway is so weird… I think it’s best to draw a map of this ‘room’.
Told you the hallway was weird!
After a while of searching, I heard…
“UGH! Are those shorts… BLUE!?” She whined.
“I want them PINK! YOU’RE THE WORST AUNT EVER!” She stomped off RIGHT into her room… TOO FAST! She saw me peeking in her drawers.
“UMMM! WHAT ARE YOU DOING… IN MY ROOM!” She screeched.
“I uhh… U-um… I was j-just-” I was cut of by her pushing me on the floor.
“YOU don't belong here! In a country like THIS… YOU belong in Iraq! Where over 1,000 people die a minute!” I knew that was a lie, but I went with it.
Then she added…. “You CAN’T possibly live in Hollywood, a country FULL of stars, like me… when YOU are just a poor little skunk! Now… if you’ll excuse me, I have some designer clothes to pick out!” I CAN’T BELIEVE SHE SAID THAT RIGHT TO MY FACE LIKE THAT!
Then she walked away like she was the freaking QUEEN of the world!
Oh, god, if she WAS the queen, THAT would just be chaos.
THAT would be terrible! God she’d make the WHOLE world PINK!
Even the sky and the water!
I crawled out of the window and ran back home.
I gtg now because MUM is telling me I have to go to sleep now! It’s the holidays, AND IT’S ONLY 7.50PM!
To be continued…
Wednesday December 21st
So where was I… oh right. I ran back home and saw Cleo and Isla!?
“What are you guys doing here?!” I asked.
“Haven’t you heard?” I shook my head confused.
“Oh… well. There’s kinda a volcano eruption. And we came over to tell you where a safe place is!” A VOLCANO ERUPTION!? I was like… WHAT!?
“WHAT!? WHERE!? WHEN!?” I was in SUCH a hurry to get to this safe place, I didn’t even CARE that my brother broke his arm (like I would anyways).
“Umm… they said 20 minutes. Yeah… umm… it’s kinda… really big. Like. ALL the city except a TEENY TINY bit..” As soon as I heard that, I completely FREAKED!
“WHAT!? TAKE ME THERE NOW!” But of course I needed my goods first…
“Computer, phone, chocolate, money, Mum’s super secret nail polish stash… and… DONE!” We had to take Dad’s car because….
- Dad’s on a plane ride, and he isn’t coming back till next week…
- Mum and my idiot brother are at the hospital so we can’t take HER car…
- Mum has a manual. Which wouldn’t help SO much, since I don’t even have a learners licence!
I drove as the GPS gave me directions. But the annoying thing was, Isla had to tell me the directions because we couldn’t hear ANYTHING the GPS lady said over my dog barking even if we plugged in a SPEAKER! And yes, I had to take my dog anywhere I’d KNOW I’d be there for a while.
We made a couple lightning quick stops to tell people there was a volcano coming that would take up half the country, so the rushed to their cars and followed us to the safe house.
As soon as we got to the safe house, I rushed in and there was freaking password lock on the door! It told me I had to type in my FULL name to enter. AND if I spelt ONE thing wrong, it’d punch me (Or in this case, my friends)!
“Finally-” “Woah….” We all gasped and I was like… THIS IS BETTER THAN MY HOUSE! The GOOD thing was, that there was SO many rooms, and a secret underground safe thingy, in case of tornados.
BUT the BAD thing was the place was freaking huge, that I got lost! The bedrooms were bigger than BRITTANY’S! Like… OH MY FREAKING GOD! There’s a DRESSING ROOM! And like… each room is a freaking fancy house!
Suddenly, I had the bet idea in the world! I could stay here for the rest of my life! PLUS, I wouldn’t have to deal with Brittany’s crap all the time! AND have to do that test on the first day of school. But then the BAD thing about that idea came… HOW WOULD I SURVIVE WITH THIS MUCH FOOD!?
I got to go now, since my friend Cleo JUST found something freaking AMAZING!
Thursday December 22nd
So Cleo found the FOOD SUPPLY, which means I CAN live here the rest of my life, AND post pictures on Facebook to make that hog (Brittany) jealous!
So then she can see that I have a better house/safe house than HER! But she doesn’t need to know that it’s a safe house, because THEN she’d be like…
I saw someone outside the safe house, looking like she was going on a summer holiday in the Bahamas!
Then I saw who she REALLY was, and hid like I just saw a ghost! And yeah, you guessed, IT WAS BRITTANY!
Looking like she was the queen, AGAIN!
Since I’m a smart child, I closed ALL the blinds, and put on the security lock, then I shut myself in one of the dressing rooms.
But when I got IN there… DRESS UP PARTY! There was more clothes than you could IMAGINE! The clothes were in sections, dresses, pants, tights, shirts, AND PARTY!
“GIRLS! COME HERE QUICK!” I shouted. Then they had to try to find out what room I was in, and where the dressing room was. It took a while but…
“OMG!” They all ran to the party and dress area. Their eyes lit up, and they ran into one of the dressing stalls with their dresses.
And I was like… OMG when they came out because… THEY LOOKED AMAZING!
Isla went to the party area…
And so did Cleo. And me… I looked like I was going to the royal ball or something!
The dress was so damn WEIRD feeling! It was kinda uncomfortable, but it looked AMAZING!
We kinda looked like a remake of the Fashion Diva’s…
We SO look better!
After a while, we heard a bang on the door. We ALL thought it was Brittany, so we slowly opened the door and said..
“Go away Bri-” Then we saw someone we’ve NEVER seen before. She was so… innocent. Her voice was so sweet.
“Hi! I’m new in town, and I heard there’s a volcanic eruption in 4 minutes, and THIS is the safe house. You wouldn’t mind me staying, would you?” She asked.
“Oh, no problem! You can stay as LONG as you want!” We gave her a key, and showed her around.
“And that’s it! Enjoy staying here!” She looked SO pretty, even though she hasn’t even got dressed in that amazing dressing room yet!
I mean… LOOK AT HER!
She’s just… SO COOL! I bet Brittany will be jealous, because I’M friends with the coolest girl in the world!
“Oh, by the way, my name is Jessie. But you can just call me Jess.” She skipped into her room and looked around.
“Another girl for the group!” Squealed Cleo.
She had 3 friends which were… JUST LIKE US!